I don't know why I have such a hard time doing the things I enjoy sometimes. I know it has to do with my health and anxiety. For a long time, once I got anxiety over something, I would leave it and not look back. This includes relationships, hobbies, food etc. The food one I can live with but the others aren't so healthy, especially in trying to find a balance in my life.
My relationship with Doug is the longest I have ever had, 5 1/2 years now. I know there were times when it was tough that I could have just walked away but 1. He wasn't going to let that happen easily 2. I knew rationally what a loss that would be. So I let him love me and stuck it out. Big accomplishment for me.
I think a big part of the problem is my illness. I get interested in something and really enjoy it, then I have a bad spell. I then relate that activity I enjoy (or food, friendship etc.) with being sick. So instead of it being something to look forward to, it becomes the cause of anxiety because my mind relates it to being ill. Does that make any sense?
Then there is the issue of actually going through a bad spell, when doing anything becomes difficult. I am trying so hard to slowly overcome some of these issues. For instance, the last few weeks have been very hard, thus the no blogging. There were moments when, I "knew" I would fail at continuing to blog regularly so I thought it best to just stop and erase it completely. I wanted so bad to be able to write something but due to lack of sleep(which always makes things worse) and going through difficulties anyway, I couldn't get my mind to slow down enough to compose a coherent post.
There is some good news though...
1. My insurance finally came through this week.
2. I am back on all my meds at the correct dosages, it will just take a week or so for all my levels to level out again.
3. I didn't erase my blog after reminding myself how positive it has been for me.
4. I have slowly been able to push past some of the anxiety and start crafting again.
5. I got 24 hours of sleep in 2 days and am beginning to think straight again.
6. I went to 2 yard sales last week and made a vintage killing for 12$ Here is a sneak preview, I will show the whole kit and kaboodle soon!
A 6 piece box of glasses, never opened, in original box
Various vintage kitchen do dads, including my first ever pyrex.
A fantastic vintage cookbook, complete with many stellar photos
7. Ten minutes ago I got a delivery of some beautiful fabric I got at a great price from here. Now I just need to get myself to do something with it. At least it is here to look at and stroke with love. Here is one of the charm packs I got, Flutterby by Tula Pink. I have been waiting for this one for a while, I just love it!
8. I found the greatest food blog ever, A Year of Crockpotting! This woman has challenged herself to use her crock pot every day for the entire year. She is very clear with instructions and always gives a verdict explaining if her family liked it, if the kids liked it etc.
The result is a plethora of easy crock pot recipes, perfect for someone like me. My third use of her recipes is cooking as I speak. She even cooked creme brule' and cheesecake and swears she won't ever cook it another way!
9. There is another fabulous quilt giveaway by the ever talented and generous Dana from Old Red Barn Company. Go to this link to comment before Wed. the 23'd. She really puts a lot of love into her quilts, this one is stunning. She even used a vintage sheet for the backing. There is a link on my side bar as well. Good luck everyone! (The quilt is the pic to the left.)
10. It is Friday so I have 2 days with Doug all to myself! I love being able to stay up late with him and just hang out with no stress. He and Bertha really are the light of my life!
11. Yay, I finished a post. I really want to stay with this. All the inspiration, creativity and friendships the blog world gives me, is worth fighting for. I hope everyone has a great weekend! This photo reminded me of all you blog ladies!