Friday, July 18, 2008

Again and Again

I don't know why I have such a hard time doing the things I enjoy sometimes. I know it has to do with my health and anxiety. For a long time, once I got anxiety over something, I would leave it and not look back. This includes relationships, hobbies, food etc. The food one I can live with but the others aren't so healthy, especially in trying to find a balance in my life.

My relationship with Doug is the longest I have ever had, 5 1/2 years now. I know there were times when it was tough that I could have just walked away but 1. He wasn't going to let that happen easily 2. I knew rationally what a loss that would be. So I let him love me and stuck it out. Big accomplishment for me.

I think a big part of the problem is my illness. I get interested in something and really enjoy it, then I have a bad spell. I then relate that activity I enjoy (or food, friendship etc.) with being sick. So instead of it being something to look forward to, it becomes the cause of anxiety because my mind relates it to being ill. Does that make any sense?

Then there is the issue of actually going through a bad spell, when doing anything becomes difficult. I am trying so hard to slowly overcome some of these issues. For instance, the last few weeks have been very hard, thus the no blogging. There were moments when, I "knew" I would fail at continuing to blog regularly so I thought it best to just stop and erase it completely. I wanted so bad to be able to write something but due to lack of sleep(which always makes things worse) and going through difficulties anyway, I couldn't get my mind to slow down enough to compose a coherent post.

There is some good news though...

1. My insurance finally came through this week.

2. I am back on all my meds at the correct dosages, it will just take a week or so for all my levels to level out again.
3. I didn't erase my blog after reminding myself how positive it has been for me.

4. I have slowly been able to push past some of the anxiety and start crafting again.

5. I got 24 hours of sleep in 2 days and am beginning to think straight again.

6. I went to 2 yard sales last week and made a vintage killing for 12$ Here is a sneak preview, I will show the whole kit and kaboodle soon!

A 6 piece box of glasses, never opened, in original box
Various vintage kitchen do dads, including my first ever pyrex.

A fantastic vintage cookbook, complete with many stellar photos

7. Ten minutes ago I got a delivery of some beautiful fabric I got at a great price from here. Now I just need to get myself to do something with it. At least it is here to look at and stroke with love. Here is one of the charm packs I got, Flutterby by Tula Pink. I have been waiting for this one for a while, I just love it!

8. I found the greatest food blog ever, A Year of Crockpotting! This woman has challenged herself to use her crock pot every day for the entire year. She is very clear with instructions and always gives a verdict explaining if her family liked it, if the kids liked it etc.

The result is a plethora of easy crock pot recipes, perfect for someone like me. My third use of her recipes is cooking as I speak. She even cooked creme brule' and cheesecake and swears she won't ever cook it another way!

9. There is another fabulous quilt giveaway by the ever talented and generous Dana from Old Red Barn Company. Go to this link to comment before Wed. the 23'd. She really puts a lot of love into her quilts, this one is stunning. She even used a vintage sheet for the backing. There is a link on my side bar as well. Good luck everyone! (The quilt is the pic to the left.)

10. It is Friday so I have 2 days with Doug all to myself! I love being able to stay up late with him and just hang out with no stress. He and Bertha really are the light of my life!

11. Yay, I finished a post. I really want to stay with this. All the inspiration, creativity and friendships the blog world gives me, is worth fighting for. I hope everyone has a great weekend! This photo reminded me of all you blog ladies!


Sweet P said...

I can really relate to what you are saying. I have been on medical leave for three months because of anxiety and PTSD. If you ever want to talk, email me.

I go through periods where I can't even enter my quilting studio. I just don't have the motivation. But I've learned the feeling will pass and I will get back in there.

I love Year of Crockpotting. Isn't it a great site? I made her turkey breast recipe and loved it!

Take care of yourself. That's the most important thing you can do for yourself.

Calidore said...

Been there, doing that. Keep reminding yourself that "this too will pass". Sometimes it's just enough to just sit quietly and let everything wash over you. Other times you need to fight it. Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel - even if it seems a long way away at times. Keep up the wonderful work with your blog when you feel like it. I love reading it.

Cathy {tinniegirl} said...

I'd miss you a lot if you stopped blogging. Hang in there.

Barbara said...

In all seriousness - I think thrifting is great therapy! It's fun, it's cheap, it gets you out there - and I, too, would miss your blog! Chin up, sweetie pie!

Robin said...

I love your list of eleven good things. :) And good for you for taking the time to think them through, sit down, and write them. I'm so glad you've decided to stick around blogland, I do so enjoy reading your posts. I'm definitely going to have to check out that blog too... I have a crockpot that I very rarely use.

Joanna said...

Well girlfriend, you better not quit blogging - you have important stuff to say! I am pleased to inform you that my MIL got high speed internet yesterday so I will once again be a formidible force on the web. LOL yeah right! But yours is the first blog I have caught up on. I come back on the 29th, just over a week, (it's gone so fast for me) so get your thinking hat on - we must get together again. I could come down to you sometime, or if you and hubby feel like a drive and your car is co-operating, you could come up and I'll make dinner and we'll just hang:) Or the reverse - at last talk to hubby our vehicles were operational lol! Think about it! And hey there's always that lake idea we had. Whichever way, we need to do something :) BUT no stressing allowed. Low-key, low stress;)
Hugs, me:)

jacquie said...

Great post Stacy. What a wonderful list of good things. Add this, you're a good blog friend. Take good care!

hens teeth said...

You make me happy ~ cheesy, I know, but true x

Sarah B. said...

Love you Stacy!

Kenningtons said...

I'm glad you got your insurance worked out! I really hope you start feeling better soon. I'm so happy you are still blogging! I LOVE looking at your blog and seeing your amazing finds and what you create.

Chocolate Cat said...

So glad you didn't give up blogging, I would of missed you!
Am going to check out the crockpot blog, I love being able to prepare dinner in the morning when I have the most energy!!

Vickie said...

I am so glad to see that you are posting again! I really enjoy reading your blog! I am so glad things are getting better for you!
Hang in there!

Nanette Merrill said...

More fun fun fun things! Your husband is a doll. He's very cute. The vintage things - so so yummy. I love things like that. I am glad that I started bringing old recipe books home from my moms years ago - things she didn't use but were meaningful to me because she used to use them. Vintage is happy.

I'm glad your insurance came though. Sometimes its hard to suffer but it makes you appreciate little joys of life.

azsmith said...

Stacy: YOU are awesome, I do love your honesty, sincerity, and pure heart. I know you can push through the rough times, you have shown me that, keep it up. This post was wonderful!

Tipper said...

Oh Stacy-you are just the best!! I'm sorry you've been having a tough time. You can not quit blogging-I would miss you to much!!

Unknown said...

I've been dating my girl for 5 years and we have just broke up because she told me she likes someone else but she say she still loves me... the next week she left the house and said she needs to find herself??? and i wanted her to be with me by living were i live, forget about her ex's, having a good job and being in a healthy relationship which leads to marriage and kids. but she was planning to leave me since and when i knew about her plan i gave her space maybe she will come back?? but if she didn't then i had to find help, a spell caster to help me bring her back so i did contacted i was giving this usa number +15036626930 and this email address after 3 days of casting his spell my girlfriend returned back to crying to me that she will never make a step without me again, that she will always love me till death. i am still surprised how dr.marnish did the love spell
Tremeeka from France